i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
