Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
