He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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