Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
