i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
