so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
