so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
