Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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