I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize