I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
