I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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