Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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