she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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