Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
