Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
