dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
