Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
