im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
