Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
