apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
