Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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