My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
