The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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