I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
ugly people sure do ruin things
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
