If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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