His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
