i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The power of my boobs compel you
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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