so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
