the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
