She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
