She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize