I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
