I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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