are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
