If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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