i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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