i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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