perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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