I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
