Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
