haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
