I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
