How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
