dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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