I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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