i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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