Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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