The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
