I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
