You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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