420 ftw
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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