I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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