pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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