Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
