I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
