Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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