i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
