Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
