your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
