Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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