note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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