The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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