Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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