Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
