Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
