I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
