Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
