I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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