I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
