Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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