So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize