The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
