You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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