he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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