That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My feet surprised me
Randomize